There are times when you think how in the world could you hate others....... until you realize all you've been is jealous

May 2012 be a year of:

There are often instances when realizations hit you with a BAM and you wonder just what the hell are you doing here and now?

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

~Japanese proverb

It is said to be the most common cause of heritable mental retardation second only to Downs.

I have attempted (yet, again) to kick start a cooking habit. no doubt it probably had something to do with the other half being back but heck, it's way past time now isn't it?

God,


I pray that You'll grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.



And not to think too much!

I suppose the way I try to summarize every rotation that I am in currently, or at least describe it, would not work so well in this one.

There is no such thing as failure. There are only outcomes. The only time you fail is the last time you try.

Fellowship with the ex CF president is worth more than words.

It's embarrassing but Today, only today, one year down the road, of being the auditor, have I finally realized my role as a CF Auditor.

Thank you.

• How pathetic to have such pride over something, but all it takes is the realization that a parent disapproves and you crumble
• How ignorant to think that you've grown when after a single discussion you walk away with jelly legs and the huge relief that you didn't need to defend yourself... and perhaps fail
• How machiavellistic that a simple thing like the tone of a parent's voice could give you palpitations
• How regretful having taken for granted the times when a family was closely knit and you could proudly proclaim my family is together
• How sad is it for a child to feel unloved and unappreciated
• Just as terrible for a parents to feel ignored
• How happy the days when no one was rich and everyone wiped windows, climbed ladders together
• How careful to hear that you've become so monotonous, that everything is planned and needs a reason to it, how boring your life would now be
• How nolstalgic to hear you were never like this

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
~ Plato

Every once in a while, a sudden thought hits me. *snaps* just like that!

I used to think that I'll write it down somewhere.. or jot it down.. or heck, remember it. But it never fails to .. fail me. lols. okay lame joke .. but still.

So since a majority of my time will be spent in front of books and laptops (that's when my brain wanders into forks like these anyway..) I've decided this year that I will blog it automatically, if permissible.
*Sigh there goes all those years of precious random thoughts...*

#1 People
Since leaving home and since being tagged an adult, there have been SO MANY types of other adults I've met since hitting 21. (yeah my kinda joke) Mendelian in magnitude, I realized too, that unconsciously I've started to look at them by the simplest of ways-

- Those who expect you to respect them. They are not your peers, they are not your age, they might be fit into someone like your mentor/ teacher/ but they will never be your friend. So when you email them you don't go 'Hey There'. Think of 'Dear Mr X' and goodbyes like 'Yours sincerely' instead. And you must never crack jokes about their peers to them. Because those peers are on the same level as person discussed and therefore, will never be your friend either. Ever. Short of raising your arms in a salute, you should never look at them in the eye. (I'm not there yet...)

-  On the other end of the spectrum, there lies the ones who are overtly friendly. Chatty. Hippy. You get the idea. It's not exactly the ideal personality either, because I suppose it takes time to adjust to their relative ages. However I won't deny that it's a huge plus when you feel like connecting. It feels odd at first, because being Asian you've always been raised to pay the elders their due respect. It's like a silent obligation. I still have problems calling my older cousins without the jie's and the kor's even now when they're like 35 and I'm 21, so calling a tutor for example, by their first names without their titles makes me feel like I'm going to be struck by lightning anytime soon.

- Then there are the ones who are in the middle. Serious at times, humourous otherwise and still connectable. They're the easiest and perhaps the majority of those I've met.

- The last group would be those who are so quiet I don't actually know where  they stand.

Admittedly, I have a problem with people in group 1. Because I can never tell if they're 1 or 4 and unfortunately make alot of irrevocable mistakes before I actually realize sh1t, I need to kowtow and say my sorries NOW!

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.  

~ Martin Luther King, Jr

kthxbai.

Its funny how a few posts ago I was talking about how my new year starts in Sept. And now it starts in January. Lol, what a lalang.

Was welcomed back to Msia with sort of a numb feeling but definitely feeling very very refreshed. Everyone's busy with legal and forensics medicine. When I say busy I meant busy updating their facebook profiles. Lol. Literally. I find it so cute that everytime I go on facebook it's so easy to tell what course we're doing at the moment.

It's insane number of lectures we have to go through these few days. It's 1 hour on average worth of lectures per day. FIVE! CINQUE!!! But anyways, I actually think it's sadder for the lecturer than it is for us. At least we get to sit. Btw have I mentioned Prof D.C is awesome, the whole fan-girling kinda way awesome. He's one of the last of the generation who had to learn Latin for medicine, he studied law, trained as an endocrinologist, so I have no idea what is he doing in forensic/legal med. Oh did I mention he has a head full of dark wavy hair which he likes to run his hair through and that he can pronounce 'dadah' oh so perfectly and that his lectures are not boring at all? Considering it's law with THE million dollar question 'what is reasonable's... that's unbelievable it's not boring! So forgive me if I fawn at his feet. I guess profs like him represent the generation where doctors were truly the best of the best. Oldschool~ baby!

So yea there's this new year. I've got rhis exam next Monday. And the MMC has a 'Good medical practice' guideline that I need to regurgitate what is reasonable. Also, was looking through the requirements needed to work in the UK and oh my tuhan it is HARD. Sister asked a question today which I felt I answered B-E-A-utifully... albeit painfully. Sometimes I think God works in miraculous ways; He sent Arti who gave me the solution to my problems! WOOHOO!! And coincidentally the West wing episode I was watching talked about religion and I've quoted it below. Anyhoo now all that's left for me is just to win the lottery! :D

I need to learn how to reserve fuel. The rate I'm going right now I'll probably burn out even before CNY. But it's nice to feel so euphoric. :D

Was reading Burn's blog and realized how obvious it was.. The initial fireworks sure heat people up doesn't it? It's contagious! Healthily so :)


My resolution(s) this year are simple:
- Be selfless
- Be decisive
- Be filial
- Be happy

Welcome to 2011 peeps.

[I feel like I'm such a boring person LOL]
[ but in my defense it's so haphazard only because my thoughts are so choppy]
[ because I'm too hyper]
[or overdrived- depending if you wanna consider the coffee I took in the day]

You remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town, and that the all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." 

The waters rose up. A guy in a rowboat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you, you in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." 

A helicopter was hovering overhead and a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I'll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety. Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I'm a religious man, I pray, I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter and a guy in a rowboat. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" ~

~ Father Thomas Cavanaugh (West Wing S1E14)

People really shouldnt jump from a realationship into another one right after the other. 
The elders were right after all.

In the silence of night I have often wished for just a few words of love from one man, rather than the applause of thousands of people. ~Judy Garland. 

these few weeks have been. Indescribable. I feel so... small. And there are so many questions to answer. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to have stayed out of the valley if I'd known it  might take ages to climb out. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth feeling happy if you know that the only thing you can feel after that is letdown. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth caring, because caring takes effort, smiling takes effort, what if we were just robots who were efficient with a tinge of instinct. Sometimes I just want to disappear.

Just finished 2 weeks of Cardio rotation. I cannot begin to express my thanks to our personal 'mother' dr L.
Her dedication and passion and willingness to teach us just overwhelms me. After day 1 where the consultant insulted my upbringing, it really took alot to get back on a rebound. It's not easy, i realize, to be professional when things like that happens to you. It's phrased so nicely when you read about them in self help books but when ur standing there getting berated after handing in a formal apology it just totally sucks. In my defense I felt that should he be insulting me and me alone I'd take it up and swallow it down but you dont fucking comment on the way my parents brought me up. I really really hate it when people assume all students from my Uni is rich. Funny i must have missed out on that rich part. And with money everyone assumes that we are spoilt too. Really? were you there when we were below average? Were you there when my grandparents, uncles had to tap rubber and my grandma wear potato guni sacks during the japanese invasion? Were you there when i celebrated my first birthay with a cake and ang ku kuih? Were you there when my parents couldn't pay the fees? You notice the 1 or 2 who drive big cars and party, but have you also noticed those who walk daily? Have you noticed those who offer rides to lecturers they see on the way?
Maybe I'm being so passionate about this purely because of my pride in it. Maybe I AM so damn proud of my family's achievements over the decades so dont you dare touch them. I dont give 2 fucks if you think im rude or groundless because that's my problem. Too bad if you felt intimidated antagonized the peoples in your past who were of  the same clan, not my fault really. MEH

But yeah. Go professionalism.

There was a certain particular point just now around 2345 hours that I suddenly realized how important it was to have a pair of good good shoes. By good i mean comfortable. Its amazing that the Medical students MA's SN's and HO's don't get varicose veins from all the standing. When i sat down just now after the hours and hours of standing.. i actually felt. old.

ANYWAYS

37 yo female lady comes in with acute shortness of breath. I find out that she has bone mets 2' to Br CA. and she's even had a mastectomy. At the age of 37! It must have been at least 1-2 years before her ca was dx'ed. all at the age of 37. According to her there is no fmhx. but i never got to ask more about her risk factors, because she was so worried she had lung mets. She kept wanting to meet the oncologist, she's just had a metal plate inserted into her femur for a pathological fracture, she was accompanied by her bro and uncle, she's not married, i wonder if she's ever had the chance to experience losing her virginity, she was really really pale, she has nice veins for cannulization, she has pretty eyebrows too aside from being pretty in general, She told me she lost alot of weight, and that the disease was a very morbid one, she .... is only 37.

Indian uncle comes in due to a fall from an acute giddy episode. Had a bypass 10 years ago and a hx of DM which he takes both OHA and subcut insulin. Memang got hx of IHD one lah, so this time he says he felt giddy - Malignant htn? But he says he's compliant?!?!?! A few hours, 2 tired relatives, 2 failed brannulas and a chest xray later, he's obviously feeling alot better and says that - actually my scrape on my knee was the only reason i came in lah. Nicely missing out the SOB part. lol i talked to his wife and she confirmed the SOB, she was like 'dei, u HAD sob ok' lol so cute.

Today it was probably field day for neuro. I even saw our senior Nigel there. There was an 18 yo kid with a  (big!) EDH, but question- do lucid intervals last for a whole week!??! that's how long that's passed since his fall. The only thing he has is probably a fractured clavicle and bleeding into the sclera. Symptom wise he's been unable to tolerate loud noises and been having headaches that are non progressive. 18 yo kid with a motor lah, who flew superman style when he drove into a pothole.

Next to him was an uncle in his 50's who came in from an alleged MVA. He's alert and everything but ha ha here's the catch- he's so darn confused. If you didn't actually understand what he was saying you'd think that he's totally fine. Until you realize that he's answering 'depends on what they find' about 10 times to 12 questions. When Nigel asked him to remember 3 things - car, window, house (I cant rembr if it was window)... and then asked him to repeat it about 8 seconds, later he said 'car, brother'. Full stop. A few mins later i asked him a few other questions and i thought he was a little less confused when he was able to tell me he worked in penang and had no medical illnesses.... Untile I asked him if he knows where he was now and he goes Johor. MRI brain showed a small SDH.

The last bed in the yellow bay housed an auntie who had a long hx of htn and known to be non compliant. Earlier in the day she told her husband she had a bit of headache, and after passing motion she said it got worse. Next thing you know she's warded, unconscious and sweating profusely. Dx? Haemorrhage stroke. MRI brain showed Basal ganglia bleeding that drained into the ventricles but thankfully with no midline shift. Even when they wheeled her to the ICU her GCS was probably still <10.

78 year old chinese auntie came in feverish, unconscious, obviously cachexic with a BKA of the Left limb. Our very very nice MO who decided to gave us a teaching in the end used her as the bedside case. Okay so apparently from that first sentence itself we're already supposed to kinda guess what's the dx. Let me just tell you what was done; Resuscitation with NS improved her condition tremedously as she gained consciousness; CBD showed concentrated urine; Vitals monitored; Reflo done there was no hypo/hyper; ECG showed no ischaemic changes, blood Ix's taken- takes damn long to get back so don't know what yet; The last i saw her CXR hadn't come back yet. Talking to the relatives revealed that she just had a stroke 2 months ago and her BKA was done in May this year. Provisional dx? :D

Thin, cachexic, jail inmate comes in with acute SOB. Unable to finish a sentence, very obviously tachypnoiec. p02 was around 90 i think. Can't remember his vitals but anyways. Hx of IVDU and goodness knows what else that goes on behind prison walls. I was unable to clerk him fully, to even get more details on his presenting complain as he was in so bad shape but what we found out later was that it was a full blown TB attack. Every body wore masks after that for the rest of the night. haha.

Middle aged uncle comes in with R hypochondriac pain, feverish and jaundiced. Dx?
PS he's a walking biohazard, and i spilled his blood! DENG!!
*Thank goodness for H202*

In cubicle 3 there was this  man who came in after he got stung by an ant. Black fire ant (at least that was what i got from his translation lah) there are black fire ants one meh? he came in to yellow zone sweaty, reddish and very very obviously distressed. We were all like omg omg omg where pain where pain where pain. Then he went 'behind, my back'. I was like what happened?` who bang you? or if it radiated anywhere kinda abdominal pain like. Then he went 'no nonono, ant bite'. For a while there i was stunned, lol. like ,what? then it finally hit me - anaphylaxis! The yellow zone was very busy at that time, i think that was also the arrival of all the unconscious ones, so somehow or rather his HO beckons me to wheel him to the green zone. Which, btw, was more or less in a chaos as well (that's an oxymoron because it's always in a chaos!) and he told me that (in a very direct translation) - the ant bit him and he lost his sight. Now everthing's black and he's finding it very uncomfortable both generally systemically and progressively getting harder to breath. As he sits in the green zone he asked me if it was possible for him to lie down somewhere - cus he was still on a wheelchair! I reallllly wanted to take him to a bed, take his vitals and insert a line cus i could see that he was getting redder and sweatier. but i couldn't. needed the doctor's consent first. haiz. So i kept watching him and finally lah this HO came over, took one look at him and went 'shit he's going into anaphylactic shock'. What happened afterwards was definitely one worthy of the ER scenes. This was the first time i saw Hartmann's being used. Im glad that at least he's stabilized now. his friend also very funny lah 'hey just an ant bite right? Just one injection then ok dy right? then he can go home already?' I could see the HO roll her eyes like dude, he's going into respiratory distress you think one injection can cure all ah?

and the misc's...
Teenager comes in with 2 sites of jelly fish sting with sand still found on her feet.
More of the usual trauma cases
Less of the kids today --- ie : less bawling
or maybe it was just because i was in the yellow zone majority of my time
There was also this auntie who wanted to introduce me to her husband's friends son who's a very nice guy cause i wheeled her to the toilet so she figured i must be just as nice. if not nicer :P
Everything else was more on the :| side. Not as funny as that one.
OH i also set my first 2 brannulas (FINALLY HALLELUJAH!) but i did fail like about 348274897256384 before that. My brannula's bleed.... alot. :(
The staff's were damn nice lah today!
and catheterized a lady as well.

I don't want to be a space occupying lesion.
Had a prep talk from Dr Jonathan. lol i didnt know the MRCS was useless.




*Day 4 has been left out consciously due to unforseen circumstances*  :D

Todays session wasnt as busy as yesterday. Hence, we were more in the way. Because we were less useful. Hence we were more in the way. Because the HO's were less friendly, trusting? Hence we were using up 02 there. I wonder if i can reiterate that enough

After yesterday, today we had an influx of kids. They seem to be getting knocked up by motorbikes alot.
And the asthma patients seem to flock in by families! For eg the mother will bring the daughter in, but in the end we'd find out that she'd  be needing it herself.
Twas a night for female catheterizations.
Today was the first time I kena tegur too. And was proven wrong? in a very simple finding. See this 78 yr old uncle comes in with progressive breathlessness that's been lasting for the whole day, wtih a hx of IHD, triple bypasses, and a pacemaker inserted this March. He also has a hx of asthma. So he comes in and sits at the neb area, and i see him gasping, so i tried to get a bit of hx out of him. And then I find out that he also has crepts in his left lower lobe as well as bilateral pitting oedema up to the shins. Obviously nebbing him isnt going to work anymore right. So i brought it up to this HO who was writing something down. I only got to '78 year old uncle' and she was went 'Dont bother about the asthma patients first!! I need to clear the people behind first!'
Hello! If this was mere asthma why would I be bothering you? Ish i'd just ask u if its ok to give neb cus i heard diffuse rhonchi throughout. Haiya but anyways. its a nother point in learning. I did all i could. and he wasnt exactly like - dying lah.
Then the same uncle, a few hrs later, a diff HO came over and listened to the chest. Then when she was done she looked up and asked who listened to his chests, whereby i raised my hand. She was like 'listen again' in that really smug tone. Lol. Yes, he has crepts. but oh-ho even after he coughs he still has crepts!
But haiz- the medical student is always wrong werd .... that's how it goes in the hospital hierarchy.

The bossy loud but very helpful nurse wasnt there today. Our nice MO wasn't there today either. I met mr American accent tho.
The cases seem to be repeating ler.
This auntie of about 70 comes in complaining of general weakness and an uncontrollable tremor of her right hand. Dx? STROKE. (seriously, like where in the world did that come from) Makes me realize that I have, indeed, a LOOOOOOOOOOONG way more to go.
Teenage girl comes in collapsed. Where I see them elliciting the pain reflex when charting the GCS. I also saw the vast improvement after they NS'ed her and gave her ammonium salt. From disorientated to orientated and a full 15.
Pregnant woman of 5 months comes in with a ?fractured small feet of the foot. The issue is not the fracture, but the fact that her leg was infected from a scrape a week ago. She went to a priv hospital but they didnt wanna take any risks so they gave her only painkillers and nothing else. The MO wanted to do an Xray- the fetus? And since it was infected, they had no choice but to give her antibiotics--- SO HOW? She was told to discuss the issue with her husband cus now even a small procedure like taking an xray needed a consent. She never came back after her discussion.
Guess who I also saw today. My fav surgeon and wife. His dad was involved in an MVA. Lets just summarize it - He came, he saw, he sutured and his dad left the hospital 2 hours later. everybody say NO FUSS!
He asked me how am i too, to which i could only reply .. 'I'm fine'

Ps - I have an absolute PHOBIA of setting lines now. Today I couldnt even draw blood! Dammit. Meh. To fail and fail again. :(

Had ENT (in the freeeezing ent room ffs) till about 12, walked over to PMC for tutorial at 1-2pm followed by CDC meeting until 4.45pm. Walked back to hospital for emergency med at 5pm. Is it weird that I'm still alive and standing? its 1.30am and I'm typing todays patients in because we just got back about an hour ago.

Today we went to the 'green' - not hot- zone.
YEAH RIGHT

Its like a freaking wet market. Today it was more of doing things rather than chatting one on one. But i definitely learned alot today - skillwise.
Saw my first ABG too.
The nurse is such a killer she laughs at us when she sees us so enthu
Then she raises her voice when we -almost- injected the patient with 100mg ranitidine
Laughes at us again when we couldnt set a line
OMG THE LINE SETTING IS SOOOO BAD!
I hate it when i find blood then when i fully insert the brannula it perforates the vein and a haematoma forms. Got me so excited too when i extract the needle halfway and see blood. Yes Im in lah!!! konon. Babeng!
IM's Subcuts

Hey you, can you do an ecg?
I want an ecg pls. now.
Get all the basics lah ok, fbc, lfts. ...

and the first time i heard that- i could literally feel my eyes go WOWZERS, are you asking MOI?!?!?

(Very few buse creats tho)
Then there was this uncle who haematemized... wanted to talk to him. they were pumping him with NS cus he was very weak. closer and closer and closer.. suddenly he coughs in our maskless faces. I could almost see all the SHITS! thought bubbles above our heads.
Auntie who squat down drying her hair and couldnt get up back. "Auntie why were u squatting down particularly?" Oh I do that always. Yeah, why? Oh I do that always.... Yeah lah WHY LAH???? Finally I found out that its cus the hairdryer is on the ground. Chewww
Kids who come in with lacerations on the scalps. Fell down in the car lah, the swing lah, cousin push lah.. etc.
Grandmother of an MO in the department came in with chest pains- Suspected unstable angina but shes so cute lah.
Another auntie with bilateral knee replacements came in septic, probably a septic haemarthrosis.But when the 2 surgical HO's aspirated it was clear (yellow?) joint fluid.
The first lady I tried to put in a line in failed miserably. TWICE. omg. She had rigors which made things even worse. The MA came over, picked up her tourniqueted hand, and went this is how u do it ZOOOP. masuk. walao.
Kid with brittle bone disease comes in after falling down while on crutches. Fracturing the other side of  his body. Some one labelled him 'stupid boy'. Manjaitis? With a voice like that he can be anything he wants lah.
Police officer comes in alledgedly with chest pains. Tapi energetic aje tgk die smsa ecg.
9 days old baby comes in with no BO for the past 5 days. Worry worry.
Indian auntie complains to the woonderful MO whotookusytd sumoreapologizedfornotbeingabletoteachustoday that her son has beenn there for the past 1.5 hrs and not been nebulized, instead was told to see the doctor and when this random elderly uncle comes in he gets the solution straight away--- Found out that BOTH her son and her were asthmatic. Funny fellas. not sure about the mum but the son had expiratory wheezes in the RLL.
+ Numerous numerous cases of uncontrolled hypertension.

I cannot possibly remember allthe other cases that came in today. Either too busy doing ECGs or  failing in  setting lines, drawing blood, bandaring diabetic ulcers, or some sort like that. I spent about 15 mins in the xray room too. Like some factory lah that place, there is no rest at all! It takes a longer time preparing the patient, whereas to take the xray you just adjust some numbers and press a main button. The red button like.
There were no major major cases lah like ytd's pneumo, but there were those people who came in dyspnoeic, BP's over 200 systolic, tachypnoic, and just bloody unconscious. Yup, those people whom you read about in text books.

Came back at half 12. in the rain. in the night.


feeling damn accomplished eventhough i know its far from accomplishing anything really that significant.


Emergency medicine? You are NOT in the way if you don't LET yourself be.

Today we met a very eccentric doctor
His name is Mr Lvln, and he's a consultant surgeon

He reminded us once again why were we studying medicine
 He showed us what it means to be 'dedicated'
If I can survive with 4 hours of sleep per day why cant you?
Sometimes it hits me how much we're getting pampered in this generation of ours
Ask Mr Mjt how nasty he was to his HOs and MOs in the past
I became a surgeon at the age of x5 and sat for x qualifications in 5 years

Back in Dublin we had a dentist-oringomaxillary surgeon who became the first years medicine coordinator
His name is Dr J Las. And boy he was young and charismatic :P
(But he's actually not that young - still charismatic), we found out
What he told us then, haunts us again today
When you study medicine, you need an anatomy, a physio, a biochem and a patho book in front of you


I wouldnt mind doing surgery in Taiping tht's for sure (but I'll definitely need his prep talk alot!)

"Encik mane wad 18 ye?"
"Oh tepi wad gila..."
~The security guard who answered us this morning.

PRECIOUS.

 Mum decided I was a little too free dawdling around the house so she decided that I'd be interested in doing a short attachment in HSM. Yes the italics and the first person pov usage says alot. hahaha


I got a good tongue-in-cheek answer tho;- " so that you'll have interesting things to talk about with me".
Right.

I used to think that those doctors I met during my first attachment, the very first ones, the one where JPA wanted us to have to put into our CV, the ones where you try to pretend like your doctors, hang around, do nothing, understand nothing and even take up patients beds on the pretense of being on-call.... I DIGRESS.
Yah, i used to think tht those doctors who asked me over and over and over and over again, if medicine was reallllllly what i wanted to do. Did I really know what i was getting myself into? I think I remember one of them even telling me that it wasn't worth it, it actually wasn't. hahaha. Wow, those were the days.

Only today, you're still taking up space and oxygen, but fortunately, at least you're giving back a little something in return. if only ~ really. Not that bad, a hand here, a cuff there, you make yourself useful... by staying out of their way. hehe. There are times where I wonder if it would be different overseas, I wonder if the doctors there face the same predicaments as the docs here. If they are overworked in overcrowded wards as well, or if they are ragged and irrationally berated by pmsy SHO's. (Tho i do know they get sued alot...lol)

Today I got tiao'ed in the hosp. The same someone also mentioned that I got affected emotionally by it. Yes meh?
I don't think so tho, cus if I did, i might have shouted back at her. Since technically I didn't have anything to lose; I wasn't her HO, i wasn't even a doc ffs, so i was in essence, nothing :)
Ah well, i hate doctors who pms in wards. meh. Dun wan shake hand mar dun wan shake hand lah.. ISH.

I suppose there are always the bright slides that you look for at the end of the day, things which are not essentially medicine (because I cannot prescribe or treat ppl, technically speaking, yet) but still such a vital part of it that you can't leave it out. I realize that I tend to so nicely ignore it because by omitting it, it makes me seem like I'm suffering so much for my life's cause. Things like having a 9 month old baby smiling and shaking hands with me, then having the grandmother say that he only does that to a very few handful of people, definitely not ppl he meets for the first time; Things like haggling with the MO to do suturing and realizing that it's not because he doesnt trust me but because he wants to do it himself... (he says as a student he never got to do it lol), Things like having 4 translators to get a question of 'do u have palpitations' across (like from english to chinese to hokkien, to half hokkien-thai to thai and back again) Things like having a nurse and the HO telling me that that person in mind memang damn pmsy one and that I dont have to worry too much.... things like that =)


not to mention, The special one is here~!!! It feels so surreal... :)
I like reaching out to grab a hand that is actually there.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever

~Mahatma Gandhi

I've found out that my mother doesn't agree with the quote ;)

•  Spastic Children Association Penang.- It's unbelievable how normal they can look, (or even the fact that a 14 year old CP'ed boy can pwn you in maths, for the matter)  and yet have CP. How spastic their movements are, how some cannot even chew, how little Gab is so verbal in his communications and how little Jac goes into fits about thrice everyday, how strong their parents must be to not only be able to bring their children  in everyday, but to do those stretching exercise and be hit with the reality that their child will always be stigmatized, over and over and over again. How strong their will must be, those parents whose  first and only child is diagnosed with idiopathic cerebral palsy. How we take the ability to walk so sparingly and these kid's goals are to be able to walk properly one day.
• A week into the KKIK's and I already want to be a permanent member there. All I want to do is sit in the clinic/ lab and draw blood everyday or do unlimited Reflo's or hear the familiar dub dub dub's from the sphygmomanometer. So much for aiming high and reaching for the stars. Heck, I just want to be an MO. hahahaha!
• Hokkien! Dammit it took me more than 10 minutes and grossly exaggerated hand movements just to tell this standard 5 educated auntie to come back 2 days later and again next tuesday.  
• And I quote; "No lor, my son don't have girlfriend yet. You interested or not? My son engineer leh!" It took me almost all my willpower just to not burst out laughing and look rude.
• Conferences, conferences and more conferences. I've realized that the art of acquiring freebies from those big pharmaceutical companies is indeed a skill that needs to be learned. I noticed that some of my seniors are just so ....smooth. Haha. 
• What happened to 'weekends'? I seem to be away every single weekend that there's absolutely no time to rest. :(
• Today we looked for our 2nd Fam health project patient. Thank God we found a really cooperative and 'same frequency' one.That was where I realized that I am not looking forward to entering the hospitals 7/5 next week when we start the medicine rotation! I want to grow mushrooms in the KKIK!!! *rants*
• Simon once jokingly said that I sweat like a guy; I'm beginning to think that he may actually be right. 
• But basketball is just as awesome as ever! I still need new shoes tho.
• Is it just me or has my irritability score gone off the scale again.
• I think in this week I've prayed more than I did for the whole of last year. Starting to think about alot of things in more details.
• I think the term ' understanding the opposite sex' is actually an oxymoron.
• Psychoing and brainwashing myself using Chris Quilala's I Exalt Thee actually works. 

I think I need a break. stat.

Ships in harbours are safe, But that's not what ships are built for.

~John Shedd