We make choices everyday, in every moment of our lives, or should I say we choice upon our lives everday. haha

There are times when you think how in the world could you hate others....... until you realize all you've been is jealous

• How pathetic to have such pride over something, but all it takes is the realization that a parent disapproves and you crumble
• How ignorant to think that you've grown when after a single discussion you walk away with jelly legs and the huge relief that you didn't need to defend yourself... and perhaps fail
• How machiavellistic that a simple thing like the tone of a parent's voice could give you palpitations
• How regretful having taken for granted the times when a family was closely knit and you could proudly proclaim my family is together
• How sad is it for a child to feel unloved and unappreciated
• Just as terrible for a parents to feel ignored
• How happy the days when no one was rich and everyone wiped windows, climbed ladders together
• How careful to hear that you've become so monotonous, that everything is planned and needs a reason to it, how boring your life would now be
• How nolstalgic to hear you were never like this

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
~ Plato

People really shouldnt jump from a realationship into another one right after the other. 
The elders were right after all.

In the silence of night I have often wished for just a few words of love from one man, rather than the applause of thousands of people. ~Judy Garland. 

Prolly just had the most awesome 7 days of my life

• Ultimate relaxation
• Alot of pampering
• Learning how to float and breath naturally, pacing myself underwater after 10 years of forced swimming
• Alot of movies (tell me which part of Resident Evil is romantic, HUH?)
• Not so many trips to the atm
• Alot of driving
• Alot of getting nagged while driving
• Alot of eating
• Alot of sleeping after eating

Still, there were morning teachings at 0630's
There were tutorials that took 2 hours
Apparently I "eat alot"......................................                                                                    cis.
  
 But all good things come to and end
(ok in this case  maybe it's not too good also lah, I can't afford to carry on like this long term, i'd prolly fail med school or smtg)

Ahem. Like I was saying, all good things must come to an end

Playtime's over, I've got a massive headache and I've still got a tutorial to do. This. just. sucks. Meh~

Tonight, Inside,

When darkness turns to light,

It ends tonight.

~All American Rejects

•  Spastic Children Association Penang.- It's unbelievable how normal they can look, (or even the fact that a 14 year old CP'ed boy can pwn you in maths, for the matter)  and yet have CP. How spastic their movements are, how some cannot even chew, how little Gab is so verbal in his communications and how little Jac goes into fits about thrice everyday, how strong their parents must be to not only be able to bring their children  in everyday, but to do those stretching exercise and be hit with the reality that their child will always be stigmatized, over and over and over again. How strong their will must be, those parents whose  first and only child is diagnosed with idiopathic cerebral palsy. How we take the ability to walk so sparingly and these kid's goals are to be able to walk properly one day.
• A week into the KKIK's and I already want to be a permanent member there. All I want to do is sit in the clinic/ lab and draw blood everyday or do unlimited Reflo's or hear the familiar dub dub dub's from the sphygmomanometer. So much for aiming high and reaching for the stars. Heck, I just want to be an MO. hahahaha!
• Hokkien! Dammit it took me more than 10 minutes and grossly exaggerated hand movements just to tell this standard 5 educated auntie to come back 2 days later and again next tuesday.  
• And I quote; "No lor, my son don't have girlfriend yet. You interested or not? My son engineer leh!" It took me almost all my willpower just to not burst out laughing and look rude.
• Conferences, conferences and more conferences. I've realized that the art of acquiring freebies from those big pharmaceutical companies is indeed a skill that needs to be learned. I noticed that some of my seniors are just so ....smooth. Haha. 
• What happened to 'weekends'? I seem to be away every single weekend that there's absolutely no time to rest. :(
• Today we looked for our 2nd Fam health project patient. Thank God we found a really cooperative and 'same frequency' one.That was where I realized that I am not looking forward to entering the hospitals 7/5 next week when we start the medicine rotation! I want to grow mushrooms in the KKIK!!! *rants*
• Simon once jokingly said that I sweat like a guy; I'm beginning to think that he may actually be right. 
• But basketball is just as awesome as ever! I still need new shoes tho.
• Is it just me or has my irritability score gone off the scale again.
• I think in this week I've prayed more than I did for the whole of last year. Starting to think about alot of things in more details.
• I think the term ' understanding the opposite sex' is actually an oxymoron.
• Psychoing and brainwashing myself using Chris Quilala's I Exalt Thee actually works. 

I think I need a break. stat.

Ships in harbours are safe, But that's not what ships are built for.

~John Shedd

It's unbelievable how much a language barrier can bring your day down. just like that.
It's unbelievable how frustrated I can get by a simple 'im tired, sorry'.
It's unbelievable how obvious race plays a part in getting a patient comfortable.
It's unbelievable how uninformed the patients in a third world country can get.
It's unbelievable how much of the education you gained 2.5 years in a western country is un-applicable here.
It's unbelievable how long it takes for a frickin MRI to be done. Long enough for the patient to have started treatment and be out on his feet well and alive in the west.
It's unbelievable how much it costs to have a patient be up and on his feet well and alive rather than waiting for his MRI.
It's unbelievable how hot it gets up here. It's unbelievable how we can claim patients are 'sitting comfortably' when it's a frickin oven in there.



It's  unbelievable how a simple and happy smile from your patients can brighten up your day. Just like that.

I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

~ Jack London

This is one of the periods where time has never been so significant in my life before.

*Sure I might repeat this post when im sitting for my finals next year.. but that's beside the point*


*

The journey from KL to Ipoh takes about 3.5 hours by bus using the highway... and I don't know why but the image stuck in my mind is the green signboard found on the NS highway stating Ipoh 163km.

I'm driving and it's my first time on a roadtrip. I've been to Ipoh, or at least I've heard the wonderful stories about it, but I've not reached yet. In fact it's a hundred and sixty three km's away. which is no fun if you're driving alone, and worst still if there's a traffic jam due to a landslide or something. But I know I've got to reach, and i know that it'll be worthwhile to be there. *Seriously the meat pau's are to die for*

But here's the catch, how many of us, while on the way to Ipoh, swerves out and around the highway? Turn into Bukit Merah, get distracted by it's water park advertisements or whatnots? What if it starts raining heavily and you decide to pull over at some hotel nearby to claim shelter but then realized that that initially unknown area is actually not as bad as you think and you decide to stay there? In the worst case scenario, you make a U turn at Sungai Buloh and head back to KL. The outcome is the same : You don't reach your Ipoh.

I suppose it's only human nature, but as i've only recently found out what kinda personality i have and why (explains all the weird moodswings and oddities i've been feeling these past years definitely) i realize that the touchy-feely side of me could really use some backbone. Being the inexperienced first timer driver that I am, i seem to be insisting that any little sign of civilization i see along the way is Ipoh. Enthusiastic, i drive out of the highway only to realize that it isn't. That's really alright, if petrol wasn't so expensive, and my enthusiasm was infinite; which, it isn't. I really need to learn how to read signboards and not go off on tangents. Costly tangents.

I trusted in, relied on, and was confident in You, O Lord; I said, You are my God.

My times are in Your hands; deliver me from the hands of my foes and those who pursue me and persecute me.

PSALM 31:14, 15 AMP

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

Habakkuk 2:3

Okay it's a really figurative illustration but we were all born with minds, so use it. =)

**
Apparently the 2009 IMYF camp took place a few days ago at Chefoo meth centre in CH. I noticed a few things after looking at all the pictures : Is a DSLR really so cheap or are stwnese's really getting richer by the years? Hahah Feels like the age at which one obtains a professional camera is inversely proportional to the model of the camera. but anyway i digress...

what i really noticed was how much the kiddies have grown. homg, like watttttttttttttttttttt? those kecik mayungs that barely reached my knees (okay that's too much an exaggeration) are now like... taller than me? no wayyyyyyyyyyy. (And Chelle, btw if ur reading this, ur bro's included too). WOW. i feel old. They're almost grown up, tall and they own dslrs. how come my sweet 14,15,16's weren't anything like this?! I mean the only person i remember owning a digital cam at that age was Ash (who now also owns a dslr, like duh~)
maybe he was the only one who bothered bringing it . lol.

but at the same time I couldn't help but Question Him why? Why is it she couldn't be like them, be part of them, why was it her face was not in any of the pictures? Why could she not have a normal typical 15 year old IMYF camp? why did the neighbour say nothing about it when we're neighbours? is she that far into her own world now? To treat her differently, is not something we should do, but to treat her like any normal teenager, is not something we could do either. Time's passing by so fast so soon now that in a blink of an eye they'll be graduating high school. And then what? What about the years that should have been hers in the first place?


Yet I know about the years that are hers. That she still has. I am thankful for the fact that i am able to complain, rather than reminisce. But this is just so frustrating. I feel like every second we waste is imperative, like that could have been 1s more in her life that could have made a fricking difference. So much for the cliched medical answer huh. I wonder where are the people who wanted to make a difference in the world today. And I wonder what and who this frusts are directed against. ...


***
Moving on from all the emo and pent up frustration, i have more emoness and pent up frustrations! yay! haha...

no but the fact that i have about 10 days to exams - NO FUN.

There's a GI exam tmrw (offically 3 seconds into 'today', rather) and im dyinggggg.


Okay, cut the drama im not dyinggggg but im just... dying. the lack of four G's is significant okay!
Okay okay before people start shooting me for wasting their brain cells,

*disclaimer- the reason why i seem to be blogging about pretty wuliao things is cus... oh HAI, MA!*

Brief update to lemme moan about tmrw.

Class from 9-11am.
Collect poster from Maters 11-12ish am
GI exam followed by tutorials 2-4pm
Aerobics 6-7pm
Hip hop dance thing 7-8pm
Bus to Kell's place in SHANKILL (it takes 45 mins to get there man wth!!) for worship prac followed by dance practice 8-10pm (but it'll definitely exceed 10pm, knowing Kells)
so by right i think it should be 8-11pm.

Followed by:
Basketball 2-3pm
Msian Night hiphop thingi 3-indefinite pm.
the day after.



So I think I can dance? =D

Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.

~ Jane Austen

ps- can i shoot jane austen?