We make choices everyday, in every moment of our lives, or should I say we choice upon our lives everday. haha

God,


I pray that You'll grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.



And not to think too much!

• How pathetic to have such pride over something, but all it takes is the realization that a parent disapproves and you crumble
• How ignorant to think that you've grown when after a single discussion you walk away with jelly legs and the huge relief that you didn't need to defend yourself... and perhaps fail
• How machiavellistic that a simple thing like the tone of a parent's voice could give you palpitations
• How regretful having taken for granted the times when a family was closely knit and you could proudly proclaim my family is together
• How sad is it for a child to feel unloved and unappreciated
• Just as terrible for a parents to feel ignored
• How happy the days when no one was rich and everyone wiped windows, climbed ladders together
• How careful to hear that you've become so monotonous, that everything is planned and needs a reason to it, how boring your life would now be
• How nolstalgic to hear you were never like this

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
~ Plato

Today we met a very eccentric doctor
His name is Mr Lvln, and he's a consultant surgeon

He reminded us once again why were we studying medicine
 He showed us what it means to be 'dedicated'
If I can survive with 4 hours of sleep per day why cant you?
Sometimes it hits me how much we're getting pampered in this generation of ours
Ask Mr Mjt how nasty he was to his HOs and MOs in the past
I became a surgeon at the age of x5 and sat for x qualifications in 5 years

Back in Dublin we had a dentist-oringomaxillary surgeon who became the first years medicine coordinator
His name is Dr J Las. And boy he was young and charismatic :P
(But he's actually not that young - still charismatic), we found out
What he told us then, haunts us again today
When you study medicine, you need an anatomy, a physio, a biochem and a patho book in front of you


I wouldnt mind doing surgery in Taiping tht's for sure (but I'll definitely need his prep talk alot!)

"Encik mane wad 18 ye?"
"Oh tepi wad gila..."
~The security guard who answered us this morning.

PRECIOUS.

•  Spastic Children Association Penang.- It's unbelievable how normal they can look, (or even the fact that a 14 year old CP'ed boy can pwn you in maths, for the matter)  and yet have CP. How spastic their movements are, how some cannot even chew, how little Gab is so verbal in his communications and how little Jac goes into fits about thrice everyday, how strong their parents must be to not only be able to bring their children  in everyday, but to do those stretching exercise and be hit with the reality that their child will always be stigmatized, over and over and over again. How strong their will must be, those parents whose  first and only child is diagnosed with idiopathic cerebral palsy. How we take the ability to walk so sparingly and these kid's goals are to be able to walk properly one day.
• A week into the KKIK's and I already want to be a permanent member there. All I want to do is sit in the clinic/ lab and draw blood everyday or do unlimited Reflo's or hear the familiar dub dub dub's from the sphygmomanometer. So much for aiming high and reaching for the stars. Heck, I just want to be an MO. hahahaha!
• Hokkien! Dammit it took me more than 10 minutes and grossly exaggerated hand movements just to tell this standard 5 educated auntie to come back 2 days later and again next tuesday.  
• And I quote; "No lor, my son don't have girlfriend yet. You interested or not? My son engineer leh!" It took me almost all my willpower just to not burst out laughing and look rude.
• Conferences, conferences and more conferences. I've realized that the art of acquiring freebies from those big pharmaceutical companies is indeed a skill that needs to be learned. I noticed that some of my seniors are just so ....smooth. Haha. 
• What happened to 'weekends'? I seem to be away every single weekend that there's absolutely no time to rest. :(
• Today we looked for our 2nd Fam health project patient. Thank God we found a really cooperative and 'same frequency' one.That was where I realized that I am not looking forward to entering the hospitals 7/5 next week when we start the medicine rotation! I want to grow mushrooms in the KKIK!!! *rants*
• Simon once jokingly said that I sweat like a guy; I'm beginning to think that he may actually be right. 
• But basketball is just as awesome as ever! I still need new shoes tho.
• Is it just me or has my irritability score gone off the scale again.
• I think in this week I've prayed more than I did for the whole of last year. Starting to think about alot of things in more details.
• I think the term ' understanding the opposite sex' is actually an oxymoron.
• Psychoing and brainwashing myself using Chris Quilala's I Exalt Thee actually works. 

I think I need a break. stat.

Ships in harbours are safe, But that's not what ships are built for.

~John Shedd

This is one of the periods where time has never been so significant in my life before.

*Sure I might repeat this post when im sitting for my finals next year.. but that's beside the point*


*

The journey from KL to Ipoh takes about 3.5 hours by bus using the highway... and I don't know why but the image stuck in my mind is the green signboard found on the NS highway stating Ipoh 163km.

I'm driving and it's my first time on a roadtrip. I've been to Ipoh, or at least I've heard the wonderful stories about it, but I've not reached yet. In fact it's a hundred and sixty three km's away. which is no fun if you're driving alone, and worst still if there's a traffic jam due to a landslide or something. But I know I've got to reach, and i know that it'll be worthwhile to be there. *Seriously the meat pau's are to die for*

But here's the catch, how many of us, while on the way to Ipoh, swerves out and around the highway? Turn into Bukit Merah, get distracted by it's water park advertisements or whatnots? What if it starts raining heavily and you decide to pull over at some hotel nearby to claim shelter but then realized that that initially unknown area is actually not as bad as you think and you decide to stay there? In the worst case scenario, you make a U turn at Sungai Buloh and head back to KL. The outcome is the same : You don't reach your Ipoh.

I suppose it's only human nature, but as i've only recently found out what kinda personality i have and why (explains all the weird moodswings and oddities i've been feeling these past years definitely) i realize that the touchy-feely side of me could really use some backbone. Being the inexperienced first timer driver that I am, i seem to be insisting that any little sign of civilization i see along the way is Ipoh. Enthusiastic, i drive out of the highway only to realize that it isn't. That's really alright, if petrol wasn't so expensive, and my enthusiasm was infinite; which, it isn't. I really need to learn how to read signboards and not go off on tangents. Costly tangents.

I trusted in, relied on, and was confident in You, O Lord; I said, You are my God.

My times are in Your hands; deliver me from the hands of my foes and those who pursue me and persecute me.

PSALM 31:14, 15 AMP

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

Habakkuk 2:3

Okay it's a really figurative illustration but we were all born with minds, so use it. =)

**
Apparently the 2009 IMYF camp took place a few days ago at Chefoo meth centre in CH. I noticed a few things after looking at all the pictures : Is a DSLR really so cheap or are stwnese's really getting richer by the years? Hahah Feels like the age at which one obtains a professional camera is inversely proportional to the model of the camera. but anyway i digress...

what i really noticed was how much the kiddies have grown. homg, like watttttttttttttttttttt? those kecik mayungs that barely reached my knees (okay that's too much an exaggeration) are now like... taller than me? no wayyyyyyyyyyy. (And Chelle, btw if ur reading this, ur bro's included too). WOW. i feel old. They're almost grown up, tall and they own dslrs. how come my sweet 14,15,16's weren't anything like this?! I mean the only person i remember owning a digital cam at that age was Ash (who now also owns a dslr, like duh~)
maybe he was the only one who bothered bringing it . lol.

but at the same time I couldn't help but Question Him why? Why is it she couldn't be like them, be part of them, why was it her face was not in any of the pictures? Why could she not have a normal typical 15 year old IMYF camp? why did the neighbour say nothing about it when we're neighbours? is she that far into her own world now? To treat her differently, is not something we should do, but to treat her like any normal teenager, is not something we could do either. Time's passing by so fast so soon now that in a blink of an eye they'll be graduating high school. And then what? What about the years that should have been hers in the first place?


Yet I know about the years that are hers. That she still has. I am thankful for the fact that i am able to complain, rather than reminisce. But this is just so frustrating. I feel like every second we waste is imperative, like that could have been 1s more in her life that could have made a fricking difference. So much for the cliched medical answer huh. I wonder where are the people who wanted to make a difference in the world today. And I wonder what and who this frusts are directed against. ...


***
Moving on from all the emo and pent up frustration, i have more emoness and pent up frustrations! yay! haha...

no but the fact that i have about 10 days to exams - NO FUN.

I decided that I'd blog today no matter what the outcome, so here goes:

Attended the basketball tryouts this evening and no, I didn't get picked. Not even for the Freshers team...

Hmm.. not much that I have to say, I think I've tired myself out talking to me on the way back from the stadium. heh. And no, I'm not like (kill myself now!) kinda disappointed or anything, just a bit... hurt? haha, that's my pride saying hello again.

I realized that the team's standard is/was really high, and i asked myself if say i did get picked lah, would I have been able to commit to all those trainings? The first thing the coach told the last few who made the cut was "prepare to run. im going to work the shit out of y'all so if you cant run, say bye bye". lol typical b* american coach type. Kudos J'aime, I dunno how u pull it off but good job getting into div 1! =)

Lol, actually i'm quite hyper right now. It's been ages (like AGES) since I had proper training. Like people who actually played basketball ( sorry, no offense guys =P) and training involved lay ups from centre line without stops or pauses. =P Okay lah, sorry im biased. hahah, but it has really been so long since Institute Tec days! Altho tmrw my butt and hamstring muscles are going to be screaming. And I'm coughing like there's something stuck in my throat atm... dang, must have swallowed some capsulated h. influenza or something. HAHAHAH


It's okay Jo, your basketball days are over. At least you went for the tryouts so there are no regrets. And met some pretty interesting peeps.. like a geologist from S. Africa! Now all you've gotta do is sit at home, knit, bake and wait for your other half to come home. (Yeah, i lol'ed too) Die lah PMCSA-UCD team, your captain just lost a chunk of her esteem, quick somebody steam her up again!

****
Don't you just love the way I make lemonades and see the glasses half full? I seem to be getting better and better at this, making up excuses of why and why nots, so does that mean I'm getting more optimistic, or that I'm just failing more?

For example, summer research. I'm not going too sugar coat things. I sucked. My grades sucked big time. I may have excelled as a researcher, but I failed as a student. It's not funny when your cgpa's going to be dragged down for 2 (twoe?!?!?!) sems because of something like this. In fact its just effing pissy. Sure, I keep telling myself that notwithstanding all, the experience was priceless, the people I met were indispensable, the conferences were truly eye-opening and I'm actually going to publish a paper under my name! but then i look at my grade and everything comes tumbling down... Hmm, I'm actually embarassed to meet my supervisor. Shit.

***
Meh, the endorphins are finally leaving the happy receptors in my brain alone, so the shadows coming over again. (Bet Benny-G'll be impressed by my Happy receptors theory hahah) I also just found out that I'm not gonna be presenting for research night. Hmm, can i just skip it entirely? Since there's no free dinner either =P

**
Celebrated Mhui's 22nd at The Alamo. Small event since she wanted it small. Mexican food, where i had Chilli con Carne (yeahh the one i serve in my restaurant in restaurant city lol) It's rice, plus beans plus... paprika? plus meat and cheese on top, and they serve it with a jalapeno sticking up lol. I think they overdid the beans. otherwise, guilty food with capital G! hahha cheesy, meaty, and everything else that goes with that.


And I also saw a guy who literally just stood up and started PREACHING in Temple Bar. I was like WOW! Very inspired! =)


**
Happy Raya to all my Muslim friends out there!! =) ... and also those who are enjoying the holiday that comes with it.

*

Oh I think I forgot to mention, my uni's women basketball team is like top 3 in Dublin/ Ireland or something.

I'm 5 foot 1 and this unfit. =D

Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Drops of Jupiter, Train