It's one of those days when you wake up and you realize how blessed you've been;

these few weeks have been. Indescribable. I feel so... small. And there are so many questions to answer. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to have stayed out of the valley if I'd known it  might take ages to climb out. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth feeling happy if you know that the only thing you can feel after that is letdown. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth caring, because caring takes effort, smiling takes effort, what if we were just robots who were efficient with a tinge of instinct. Sometimes I just want to disappear.

Just finished 2 weeks of Cardio rotation. I cannot begin to express my thanks to our personal 'mother' dr L.
Her dedication and passion and willingness to teach us just overwhelms me. After day 1 where the consultant insulted my upbringing, it really took alot to get back on a rebound. It's not easy, i realize, to be professional when things like that happens to you. It's phrased so nicely when you read about them in self help books but when ur standing there getting berated after handing in a formal apology it just totally sucks. In my defense I felt that should he be insulting me and me alone I'd take it up and swallow it down but you dont fucking comment on the way my parents brought me up. I really really hate it when people assume all students from my Uni is rich. Funny i must have missed out on that rich part. And with money everyone assumes that we are spoilt too. Really? were you there when we were below average? Were you there when my grandparents, uncles had to tap rubber and my grandma wear potato guni sacks during the japanese invasion? Were you there when i celebrated my first birthay with a cake and ang ku kuih? Were you there when my parents couldn't pay the fees? You notice the 1 or 2 who drive big cars and party, but have you also noticed those who walk daily? Have you noticed those who offer rides to lecturers they see on the way?
Maybe I'm being so passionate about this purely because of my pride in it. Maybe I AM so damn proud of my family's achievements over the decades so dont you dare touch them. I dont give 2 fucks if you think im rude or groundless because that's my problem. Too bad if you felt intimidated antagonized the peoples in your past who were of  the same clan, not my fault really. MEH

But yeah. Go professionalism.

Ytd when we had our open house, Pa called midway. and i couldnt answer the phone. Didn't check my laptop either, and when i did, i saw his msg... broke my heart in pieces leh. Dunno why but it's always these random pieces of conversations that make me realize how much my dad cares for me. =)  Did my souvenir shopping today. hehehe PA you'd BETTER be able to fit into what i got for u wei.... if not.. si beh bu neng jiu liao  =P

As the days where i return to my country draws closer, I realize that i'm getting alot more emotional and sappy about things. what? nothing general, everything in retrospect.
meh. talk about melodramatic.


you start to wonder if you're ever gonna get the same crazy strong stride stagger-able winds back home, or if you'll ever hear waterfalls in the middle of the night, or jet set to any country in Europe as long as it's less than 5 hours away or walk on that same stretch of road to school, or head down to Supervalue in the middle of baking when you've realized that you lack an ingredient, or walk to Tesco on sat mornings and come back with 4 tubs of Muller, or head out for cool late night walks and not worry about getting raped or kidnapped, basically, just chilling.

Personally, Ireland has always been R for Relax for me. If there's one thing I'm gonna miss terribly, and i know for sure, its the laid back lifestyle here. Sure we'd have our annual cram-before-exams-i-can't-sleep-tonight-and-i-need-my-3rd-cup-of-coffee-stat moments but otherwise, this is probably the first place in my life where i could just lie on my bed and not move for the whole day. except when to weewee. :P it's a wonder i didnt end up with pressure sores.

And it's also made me wonder about things. Like how far away we'd be from each other. how long 8 hours seem to be. how tiring and what the toll would be like on one another. life is not a bed of roses, feelings or no feelings aside. You often hear of people being too dreamy, who dream about happy ever afters for their fairy tails, but I wonder if it's possible to be over-realistic. be the one who douses cold water into the washing machine of reality, do you think there are people like that? do you think i could actually be one of them? lol, it seems only yesterday when i was daydreaming about how i'd like my dream wedding to be, how i'd be super gorgeous, vice versa and blablablah. today i find it hard to even fit into my jeans. hahahah.. MEH.

lol,  the last sentence above was a joke ok! anyway, its not all dull days and rainy skies, i see a rainbow at the end too. eg: i'll be seeing my family after 1.5 years of absence. looking at my cousin in law's album i realized the heckload of commotions that i've missed especially during CNY. Time. like any other precious' do not wait. there'd probably be a day where i actually look back and think ahhhhh those were the days when popo was still around. 


Happy CNY and Belated Valentine's day peeps!



and i owe my dad a conversation. =)

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
~Enid Bagnold

All the best Annegirl! Jie will be praying for you!


96311542116132579 1919191919 214!

I believe the greater the handicap, the greater the triumph.
~John H. Johnson