We make choices everyday, in every moment of our lives, or should I say we choice upon our lives everday. haha

I'd like to think that it all began after I got attached.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
~H. Jackson Brown Jr.

It is said to be the most common cause of heritable mental retardation second only to Downs.

I have attempted (yet, again) to kick start a cooking habit. no doubt it probably had something to do with the other half being back but heck, it's way past time now isn't it?

we are human.


Having such a wonderful chat with Chelle last night, it really made me realize that there were still stw people outside my clique that I could talk tO. and what more she was / had gone through alot that I am myself. NOt like we're solving it like superwomen but at least we know that we're not alone. it Was refreshing, as there were many things I could share.. and not feel judged.


Most of all it made me realize how nice it was having such a freEdom in life. To stay up so late. To drive home at 6am with the windows dowN and the smell of wet grass so strongly in your nostrills. To know that today is such a wonderful day.Starting off right. So yearning for the Everest's in the world Yet to be climbed. But knowing that you are only human and there are things you just cant do. Somehow it didn't seem that bad either. Because you know that there are things that you can and you should. WHEther you must that would then be up to you.

to Have the right to type according to your moods,Whether they be capped or noT, wherever I want. To hear my stomach grumbling because I chose not to eat instead of not being able to. To feel the fan above me spinning and spinning and spinning, making my feet cold and my body warm. Have you ever felt that comfort cuddling under a  blanket with your soles cold and trunk warm? tO Know that I can infact leave, annytime I want. That eventhough things are plaguing my MINd that I CAn chose to push it back and look at... the flower on my table instead.

I enjoy this freedom, this spontaneity, such calmness such piousness, no one can give but Him.
And I thank Him for that, everything that's came into my life thus far
 ShaPing me into who I am today
 My lacks and my strengths

I know i've got a long way to go still but  i know I'm going somewhere
 And i'm going somewhere He wants me to go
I'm going somewhere I damn well want to go

tHIs is LIfe.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
~ Tom Stoppard

Amen

•  Spastic Children Association Penang.- It's unbelievable how normal they can look, (or even the fact that a 14 year old CP'ed boy can pwn you in maths, for the matter)  and yet have CP. How spastic their movements are, how some cannot even chew, how little Gab is so verbal in his communications and how little Jac goes into fits about thrice everyday, how strong their parents must be to not only be able to bring their children  in everyday, but to do those stretching exercise and be hit with the reality that their child will always be stigmatized, over and over and over again. How strong their will must be, those parents whose  first and only child is diagnosed with idiopathic cerebral palsy. How we take the ability to walk so sparingly and these kid's goals are to be able to walk properly one day.
• A week into the KKIK's and I already want to be a permanent member there. All I want to do is sit in the clinic/ lab and draw blood everyday or do unlimited Reflo's or hear the familiar dub dub dub's from the sphygmomanometer. So much for aiming high and reaching for the stars. Heck, I just want to be an MO. hahahaha!
• Hokkien! Dammit it took me more than 10 minutes and grossly exaggerated hand movements just to tell this standard 5 educated auntie to come back 2 days later and again next tuesday.  
• And I quote; "No lor, my son don't have girlfriend yet. You interested or not? My son engineer leh!" It took me almost all my willpower just to not burst out laughing and look rude.
• Conferences, conferences and more conferences. I've realized that the art of acquiring freebies from those big pharmaceutical companies is indeed a skill that needs to be learned. I noticed that some of my seniors are just so ....smooth. Haha. 
• What happened to 'weekends'? I seem to be away every single weekend that there's absolutely no time to rest. :(
• Today we looked for our 2nd Fam health project patient. Thank God we found a really cooperative and 'same frequency' one.That was where I realized that I am not looking forward to entering the hospitals 7/5 next week when we start the medicine rotation! I want to grow mushrooms in the KKIK!!! *rants*
• Simon once jokingly said that I sweat like a guy; I'm beginning to think that he may actually be right. 
• But basketball is just as awesome as ever! I still need new shoes tho.
• Is it just me or has my irritability score gone off the scale again.
• I think in this week I've prayed more than I did for the whole of last year. Starting to think about alot of things in more details.
• I think the term ' understanding the opposite sex' is actually an oxymoron.
• Psychoing and brainwashing myself using Chris Quilala's I Exalt Thee actually works. 

I think I need a break. stat.

Ships in harbours are safe, But that's not what ships are built for.

~John Shedd

Ytd when we had our open house, Pa called midway. and i couldnt answer the phone. Didn't check my laptop either, and when i did, i saw his msg... broke my heart in pieces leh. Dunno why but it's always these random pieces of conversations that make me realize how much my dad cares for me. =)  Did my souvenir shopping today. hehehe PA you'd BETTER be able to fit into what i got for u wei.... if not.. si beh bu neng jiu liao  =P

As the days where i return to my country draws closer, I realize that i'm getting alot more emotional and sappy about things. what? nothing general, everything in retrospect.
meh. talk about melodramatic.


you start to wonder if you're ever gonna get the same crazy strong stride stagger-able winds back home, or if you'll ever hear waterfalls in the middle of the night, or jet set to any country in Europe as long as it's less than 5 hours away or walk on that same stretch of road to school, or head down to Supervalue in the middle of baking when you've realized that you lack an ingredient, or walk to Tesco on sat mornings and come back with 4 tubs of Muller, or head out for cool late night walks and not worry about getting raped or kidnapped, basically, just chilling.

Personally, Ireland has always been R for Relax for me. If there's one thing I'm gonna miss terribly, and i know for sure, its the laid back lifestyle here. Sure we'd have our annual cram-before-exams-i-can't-sleep-tonight-and-i-need-my-3rd-cup-of-coffee-stat moments but otherwise, this is probably the first place in my life where i could just lie on my bed and not move for the whole day. except when to weewee. :P it's a wonder i didnt end up with pressure sores.

And it's also made me wonder about things. Like how far away we'd be from each other. how long 8 hours seem to be. how tiring and what the toll would be like on one another. life is not a bed of roses, feelings or no feelings aside. You often hear of people being too dreamy, who dream about happy ever afters for their fairy tails, but I wonder if it's possible to be over-realistic. be the one who douses cold water into the washing machine of reality, do you think there are people like that? do you think i could actually be one of them? lol, it seems only yesterday when i was daydreaming about how i'd like my dream wedding to be, how i'd be super gorgeous, vice versa and blablablah. today i find it hard to even fit into my jeans. hahahah.. MEH.

lol,  the last sentence above was a joke ok! anyway, its not all dull days and rainy skies, i see a rainbow at the end too. eg: i'll be seeing my family after 1.5 years of absence. looking at my cousin in law's album i realized the heckload of commotions that i've missed especially during CNY. Time. like any other precious' do not wait. there'd probably be a day where i actually look back and think ahhhhh those were the days when popo was still around. 


Happy CNY and Belated Valentine's day peeps!



and i owe my dad a conversation. =)

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
~Enid Bagnold

(*Disclaimer* I can take it down if you don't like it up (but like, almost nobody reads this anyways*)
A Page Is Turned

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and He'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand
Your day has come

**

When We Say/ Juicebox

This is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you cant come with me
You got your lives
He better be treatin you right

***

2) Was driving back home one day. And a plastic bag flew across the road. So I ran over it. 5 minutes later another plastic bag flew across the road. Again I ran over it. Barely 3 minutes later another plastic bag ran across the road. But this time, it slowed down before running across my path and I missed it by a foot.

How many chances are we allowed before we finally learn our lesson?

To err is human. And we have an incredible tendency to screw up sometimes. Studies...relationships...accidents...the end results can be disastrous. But for most of the times we mess up, we're given one more try to do it right again. Like the little green-clothed leprechaun leaning against the door and giving you a wink before disappearing, you hear him whisper

"hey...let's try that again shall we?"


****

is it really that foolish a thing, to hope that one day pigs will fly? what's so wrong about clinging to a dream, one that you know will probably never come to pass? did i say 'probably'? well there's always that stubborn imp whispering in your ear, 'maybe...you never know...i thought you said you believe in miracles...??'

have i ever hoped to see flying piglets outside my window one day? well yes, i have. still do. for the past few years, at least. everytime i feel like screaming at myself, 'just STOP hoping, you nut!!' ~ in the end i still allow a tiny ray of broken dreams to remain a thorn in my heart. why? i wish i knew, too.

perhaps i'm just unwilling to let God have His way. like the 2-year-old who insisted, 'please let me have the carving knife..' -but of course the parent doesn't give in to that sort of 'please'. saying 'please' won't get you that box of matches you oh so long to get your hands on, anymore than juggling piglets will make them learn to fly.

*****

as march 2010 comes closer with each passing day, i cant help but feel a variety of mixed feelings.. 2 and 1/2 years is definitely not a short period of time. i’ve built great friendships here and it feels weird having to leave a place where i’ve gotten so used to and actually love and call home. it really seems unfair when i think of it in a way where i have to leave a place, unwillingly, and probably never get to come back to familiarity ever again in a duration of time that is unknown. even if i do come back after the unknown time, i’m sure nothing will be the same again.. people leave, buildings change, atmospheres just different. this is how i console myself – that my friends will have to move on too. and that things will still be different even though i’m still here.

******

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

*******

i don't think big of getting huge surprises, i prefer many little surprises like receiving random presents. emm lets give an example: it's ok if my bf doesn't give me diamonds and LV bags but i would be adored if he gives me a cupcake, a small note, a bar of chocolate, a kiss on the cheek when i'm asleep, a book, sing/plays the piano/violin to me, a movie ticket, a doodle in my to-do-list note book etc.

********

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life …
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

Never explain yourself to anyone,
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it,
And the person who dislikes you won’t believe it

When you keep saying you are busy, Then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time, Then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow, Then tomorrow will never come.

We make them cry, those who care for us,
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us

Don’t make promises when you are in joy
Don’t reply when you are sad
Don’t take decisions when you are angry
Think twice, Act wise

Time is like a river, You cannot touch the same water twice
Because the flow that has passed will never pass again
Enjoy every moment of life

*********

Personal note:
Hmm, what to do, I am surrounded by just so many talented writers!? *sry And, i didnt really wanna quote Superman Batman Jimmy comics =P* And to a certain extent, when I read their blogs, I am calmed by their rambles, knowing that life is going on, that time is passing, that people are alive. I especially like #3; how many 2nd chances do you get in your life?

I know I should be studying, scrambling for my life as if there's not going to be a tomorrow. But all i feel like doing is actually opening my Bible and just start praying. It hurts. So bad. I wish there were things that could be undone, time that could be rewound, people to be re-cherished. I wish there was a selfishness that could be without consequences. I hurt too much too bad too easily. I know its painful now, but if it goes on, it'll be even more so in the future.
I miss my Dad, I miss being able to quote His words to calm me down, I miss living for Him :(

And I really don't like how one song can make me tear up so bad!

What if I made a happier version? :P


This is the part when we say we're in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
Let's make this our story
Baby runaway with me
We'll live our lives
For sure I'll be treating you right

=) *The verse is dedicated to a friend who's found happiness. :P How often do you get reciprocated feelings, huh?*

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.
~ Dr. Seuss
Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. – Anonymous

Half of October in pictures....

The birds that fill your days anew
Hopping stones;
they're never through

Nihilo clouding dreams.
Awaken, cry. scream.

life
what do you know?

A thread unwound
That song unsung
The gRace


not run.