We make choices everyday, in every moment of our lives, or should I say we choice upon our lives everday. haha

It's one of those days when you wake up and you realize how blessed you've been;

It is said to be the most common cause of heritable mental retardation second only to Downs.

STOLEN

I submit to you that if a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

~Martin Luther King Jr

What I learned:

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

~Ecclesiastes 2:26

Ever since his wife died, Mr L has gotten more and more withdrawn, although he says that his wife was always the more sociable half. He has started losing interest in things around him, and feels tired most of the time. He finds that his motivation to do things has decreased, and life has become such a lonesome and boring place. Sometimes, he tears up spontaneously without any triggers and he also finds his sleep disturbed; finding it hard to sleep at night, his sleep cycle disturbed throughout and then waking up very early in the morning, a good few hours earlier than when he usually would.

His mobility is impaired due to the ulcer his leg, and his deformed Charchots; most of the time he only stays in his house. He lives with his daughter but since she works long hours, he only sees her for breakfast and is usually asleep when she returns. In between, he is usually left alone at home. He has had multiple history of falls and perhaps that’s one of the reason why he has given up the hope of venturing outside into the open. He is a T2DM on Insulin and it’s difficult to inject it himself, that’s why if his daughter does not come back in time, he actually does not have his night jab.

When asked, the only thing Mr L looks forward to is waking up in the wee hours of the morning and preparing breakfast for his daughter before she leaves for work. That appears to be his only human contact for the rest of the day. The spirits of the dead ones keep him company tho, and he welcomes them immensely.

“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet."

~Indian Proverb

Fellowship with the ex CF president is worth more than words.

It's embarrassing but Today, only today, one year down the road, of being the auditor, have I finally realized my role as a CF Auditor.

Thank you.

on the day I was coming back from KL, I sat in the LRT on the way to BJ, and there was a monk and a man sitting in front of me. The monk was ... dirty. not dirty like that type of dirty, but just filthy kind of dirty. He was in his yellow robes, clutching a sack which definitely had seen better days. Slippers kind of torn and he was dozing off. The uncle, on the other hand, looked quite well to do. Kind of like those professor uncle's you'd see after retiring. A watch, polo tee which told me he'd been overseas, and a look that, in other places might have seen me smile at him.

But I did not smile. I avoided his gaze. Purely because I saw him shift to his left then recoil. Another auntie had sat down next to him, and in order to not have any bodily contact with her, he'd gone the other way, towards the monk. He had the look that told me he was quite annoyed with the auntie for getting him close to touching that monk next to him.

I thought what a huffy.


2 stops away from mine, a few minutes after the announcement, he woke the monk up with a gentle tap on the shoulders; kao liao, he said in Hokkien. The monk woke up and looked at him dazed, but grateful nevertheless. He started chatting to uncle in Hokkien with just everyday things like kao liao ha.. kao liao. I was too late, he saw me smile even though I everted my head swiftly. We came to the stop and both of them disembarked.

Just before he left, uncle turned around and gave me a smile, nodding to me as he stepped off onto the platform. I thought what a huffy I'd been.

Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.
~ James M. Barrie

Today we met a very eccentric doctor
His name is Mr Lvln, and he's a consultant surgeon

He reminded us once again why were we studying medicine
 He showed us what it means to be 'dedicated'
If I can survive with 4 hours of sleep per day why cant you?
Sometimes it hits me how much we're getting pampered in this generation of ours
Ask Mr Mjt how nasty he was to his HOs and MOs in the past
I became a surgeon at the age of x5 and sat for x qualifications in 5 years

Back in Dublin we had a dentist-oringomaxillary surgeon who became the first years medicine coordinator
His name is Dr J Las. And boy he was young and charismatic :P
(But he's actually not that young - still charismatic), we found out
What he told us then, haunts us again today
When you study medicine, you need an anatomy, a physio, a biochem and a patho book in front of you


I wouldnt mind doing surgery in Taiping tht's for sure (but I'll definitely need his prep talk alot!)

"Encik mane wad 18 ye?"
"Oh tepi wad gila..."
~The security guard who answered us this morning.

PRECIOUS.

•  Spastic Children Association Penang.- It's unbelievable how normal they can look, (or even the fact that a 14 year old CP'ed boy can pwn you in maths, for the matter)  and yet have CP. How spastic their movements are, how some cannot even chew, how little Gab is so verbal in his communications and how little Jac goes into fits about thrice everyday, how strong their parents must be to not only be able to bring their children  in everyday, but to do those stretching exercise and be hit with the reality that their child will always be stigmatized, over and over and over again. How strong their will must be, those parents whose  first and only child is diagnosed with idiopathic cerebral palsy. How we take the ability to walk so sparingly and these kid's goals are to be able to walk properly one day.
• A week into the KKIK's and I already want to be a permanent member there. All I want to do is sit in the clinic/ lab and draw blood everyday or do unlimited Reflo's or hear the familiar dub dub dub's from the sphygmomanometer. So much for aiming high and reaching for the stars. Heck, I just want to be an MO. hahahaha!
• Hokkien! Dammit it took me more than 10 minutes and grossly exaggerated hand movements just to tell this standard 5 educated auntie to come back 2 days later and again next tuesday.  
• And I quote; "No lor, my son don't have girlfriend yet. You interested or not? My son engineer leh!" It took me almost all my willpower just to not burst out laughing and look rude.
• Conferences, conferences and more conferences. I've realized that the art of acquiring freebies from those big pharmaceutical companies is indeed a skill that needs to be learned. I noticed that some of my seniors are just so ....smooth. Haha. 
• What happened to 'weekends'? I seem to be away every single weekend that there's absolutely no time to rest. :(
• Today we looked for our 2nd Fam health project patient. Thank God we found a really cooperative and 'same frequency' one.That was where I realized that I am not looking forward to entering the hospitals 7/5 next week when we start the medicine rotation! I want to grow mushrooms in the KKIK!!! *rants*
• Simon once jokingly said that I sweat like a guy; I'm beginning to think that he may actually be right. 
• But basketball is just as awesome as ever! I still need new shoes tho.
• Is it just me or has my irritability score gone off the scale again.
• I think in this week I've prayed more than I did for the whole of last year. Starting to think about alot of things in more details.
• I think the term ' understanding the opposite sex' is actually an oxymoron.
• Psychoing and brainwashing myself using Chris Quilala's I Exalt Thee actually works. 

I think I need a break. stat.

Ships in harbours are safe, But that's not what ships are built for.

~John Shedd

It's unbelievable how much a language barrier can bring your day down. just like that.
It's unbelievable how frustrated I can get by a simple 'im tired, sorry'.
It's unbelievable how obvious race plays a part in getting a patient comfortable.
It's unbelievable how uninformed the patients in a third world country can get.
It's unbelievable how much of the education you gained 2.5 years in a western country is un-applicable here.
It's unbelievable how long it takes for a frickin MRI to be done. Long enough for the patient to have started treatment and be out on his feet well and alive in the west.
It's unbelievable how much it costs to have a patient be up and on his feet well and alive rather than waiting for his MRI.
It's unbelievable how hot it gets up here. It's unbelievable how we can claim patients are 'sitting comfortably' when it's a frickin oven in there.



It's  unbelievable how a simple and happy smile from your patients can brighten up your day. Just like that.

I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

~ Jack London

Ytd when we had our open house, Pa called midway. and i couldnt answer the phone. Didn't check my laptop either, and when i did, i saw his msg... broke my heart in pieces leh. Dunno why but it's always these random pieces of conversations that make me realize how much my dad cares for me. =)  Did my souvenir shopping today. hehehe PA you'd BETTER be able to fit into what i got for u wei.... if not.. si beh bu neng jiu liao  =P

As the days where i return to my country draws closer, I realize that i'm getting alot more emotional and sappy about things. what? nothing general, everything in retrospect.
meh. talk about melodramatic.


you start to wonder if you're ever gonna get the same crazy strong stride stagger-able winds back home, or if you'll ever hear waterfalls in the middle of the night, or jet set to any country in Europe as long as it's less than 5 hours away or walk on that same stretch of road to school, or head down to Supervalue in the middle of baking when you've realized that you lack an ingredient, or walk to Tesco on sat mornings and come back with 4 tubs of Muller, or head out for cool late night walks and not worry about getting raped or kidnapped, basically, just chilling.

Personally, Ireland has always been R for Relax for me. If there's one thing I'm gonna miss terribly, and i know for sure, its the laid back lifestyle here. Sure we'd have our annual cram-before-exams-i-can't-sleep-tonight-and-i-need-my-3rd-cup-of-coffee-stat moments but otherwise, this is probably the first place in my life where i could just lie on my bed and not move for the whole day. except when to weewee. :P it's a wonder i didnt end up with pressure sores.

And it's also made me wonder about things. Like how far away we'd be from each other. how long 8 hours seem to be. how tiring and what the toll would be like on one another. life is not a bed of roses, feelings or no feelings aside. You often hear of people being too dreamy, who dream about happy ever afters for their fairy tails, but I wonder if it's possible to be over-realistic. be the one who douses cold water into the washing machine of reality, do you think there are people like that? do you think i could actually be one of them? lol, it seems only yesterday when i was daydreaming about how i'd like my dream wedding to be, how i'd be super gorgeous, vice versa and blablablah. today i find it hard to even fit into my jeans. hahahah.. MEH.

lol,  the last sentence above was a joke ok! anyway, its not all dull days and rainy skies, i see a rainbow at the end too. eg: i'll be seeing my family after 1.5 years of absence. looking at my cousin in law's album i realized the heckload of commotions that i've missed especially during CNY. Time. like any other precious' do not wait. there'd probably be a day where i actually look back and think ahhhhh those were the days when popo was still around. 


Happy CNY and Belated Valentine's day peeps!



and i owe my dad a conversation. =)

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
~Enid Bagnold

(*Disclaimer* I can take it down if you don't like it up (but like, almost nobody reads this anyways*)
A Page Is Turned

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and He'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand
Your day has come

**

When We Say/ Juicebox

This is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
But this ain't a movie
I know you cant come with me
You got your lives
He better be treatin you right

***

2) Was driving back home one day. And a plastic bag flew across the road. So I ran over it. 5 minutes later another plastic bag flew across the road. Again I ran over it. Barely 3 minutes later another plastic bag ran across the road. But this time, it slowed down before running across my path and I missed it by a foot.

How many chances are we allowed before we finally learn our lesson?

To err is human. And we have an incredible tendency to screw up sometimes. Studies...relationships...accidents...the end results can be disastrous. But for most of the times we mess up, we're given one more try to do it right again. Like the little green-clothed leprechaun leaning against the door and giving you a wink before disappearing, you hear him whisper

"hey...let's try that again shall we?"


****

is it really that foolish a thing, to hope that one day pigs will fly? what's so wrong about clinging to a dream, one that you know will probably never come to pass? did i say 'probably'? well there's always that stubborn imp whispering in your ear, 'maybe...you never know...i thought you said you believe in miracles...??'

have i ever hoped to see flying piglets outside my window one day? well yes, i have. still do. for the past few years, at least. everytime i feel like screaming at myself, 'just STOP hoping, you nut!!' ~ in the end i still allow a tiny ray of broken dreams to remain a thorn in my heart. why? i wish i knew, too.

perhaps i'm just unwilling to let God have His way. like the 2-year-old who insisted, 'please let me have the carving knife..' -but of course the parent doesn't give in to that sort of 'please'. saying 'please' won't get you that box of matches you oh so long to get your hands on, anymore than juggling piglets will make them learn to fly.

*****

as march 2010 comes closer with each passing day, i cant help but feel a variety of mixed feelings.. 2 and 1/2 years is definitely not a short period of time. i’ve built great friendships here and it feels weird having to leave a place where i’ve gotten so used to and actually love and call home. it really seems unfair when i think of it in a way where i have to leave a place, unwillingly, and probably never get to come back to familiarity ever again in a duration of time that is unknown. even if i do come back after the unknown time, i’m sure nothing will be the same again.. people leave, buildings change, atmospheres just different. this is how i console myself – that my friends will have to move on too. and that things will still be different even though i’m still here.

******

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

*******

i don't think big of getting huge surprises, i prefer many little surprises like receiving random presents. emm lets give an example: it's ok if my bf doesn't give me diamonds and LV bags but i would be adored if he gives me a cupcake, a small note, a bar of chocolate, a kiss on the cheek when i'm asleep, a book, sing/plays the piano/violin to me, a movie ticket, a doodle in my to-do-list note book etc.

********

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life …
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

Never explain yourself to anyone,
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it,
And the person who dislikes you won’t believe it

When you keep saying you are busy, Then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time, Then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow, Then tomorrow will never come.

We make them cry, those who care for us,
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us

Don’t make promises when you are in joy
Don’t reply when you are sad
Don’t take decisions when you are angry
Think twice, Act wise

Time is like a river, You cannot touch the same water twice
Because the flow that has passed will never pass again
Enjoy every moment of life

*********

Personal note:
Hmm, what to do, I am surrounded by just so many talented writers!? *sry And, i didnt really wanna quote Superman Batman Jimmy comics =P* And to a certain extent, when I read their blogs, I am calmed by their rambles, knowing that life is going on, that time is passing, that people are alive. I especially like #3; how many 2nd chances do you get in your life?

I know I should be studying, scrambling for my life as if there's not going to be a tomorrow. But all i feel like doing is actually opening my Bible and just start praying. It hurts. So bad. I wish there were things that could be undone, time that could be rewound, people to be re-cherished. I wish there was a selfishness that could be without consequences. I hurt too much too bad too easily. I know its painful now, but if it goes on, it'll be even more so in the future.
I miss my Dad, I miss being able to quote His words to calm me down, I miss living for Him :(

And I really don't like how one song can make me tear up so bad!

What if I made a happier version? :P


This is the part when we say we're in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
Let's make this our story
Baby runaway with me
We'll live our lives
For sure I'll be treating you right

=) *The verse is dedicated to a friend who's found happiness. :P How often do you get reciprocated feelings, huh?*

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.
~ Dr. Seuss
Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. – Anonymous

When I'm asked about my basketball experience... I honestly don't know where to begin...

I remember playing 1 on 1 with Mel for the number 7 jersey for the first U-16 match in Kpg Jering. I remember how AY's dribbling was so so horrible hahahah! I remember how when we started realizing that CK's shots were getting sharper and sharper. I remember the first time Hel actually sat on the ball while somebody tried to snatch it away. I remember the pounding of my heart the first time I dribbled around an opponent intentionally (usually it just happens and i go 'i did that?' afterwards). I remember the image of my first ball that spun about 3 rounds before entering the hoop after hitting the board. I remember a young punk who taunted "if u shoot this in I'll go home man!"...and I shot it in. I also remember my teammates going "go home lah you..!" to that kid after that. I remember my spects getting hit by the ball during that same match and a few concerned ah mu and ah pak's going "little girl are you alright?" from the sidelines. I remember LC asking me for my eye power and offering to buy one set of contacts for me (thinking back i think she was just gonna get me a sample lah :P) and the 12 of us squeezing into coach's Unser (Lol I didnt know it was illegal then, i actually thought it was quite fun =D) I remember the early mornings spent in Astaka, getting chased away when the guys wanted to play full court with the uncles; the hot afternoons spent in the school court and getting chased away yet again by the guys when they wanted to use it for full court; the late evenings spent in Pioneer church and getting chased off my a bunch of gangsters because they wanted to play full court (where I uttered my first curse word F you when they harassed us). Then again, I also remember the times we had the courts to ourselves and had the full right to train, prior to the guys. I remember being called 'small Jolynn' cus Jmin was the bigger one. I remember so clearly Jmin's figure when she grabbed a pass one-handedly with that slant in her upper trunk and my thoughts at that exact moments that she looked like somebody from Slam Dunk. I remember her telling me my dribbling had a slight curve inwards and that she wanted to learn how to do that as well. I remember LC blocking the AT girl as she opened a path for me to dribble forward. I remember stealing chickens so often :P I remember the first training we had coached by HBChai where my 3 pointers couldn't even touch the ring. But if it helps nobody else could either except Pwen =P I remember the small games we used to have with the guys and we'd shoot from the most bizarre of places and still manage to score! I remember commenting how the guys used to have really distorted facial expressions when they were doing their lay ups. I remember those Sunday evenings where i'd climb over the gate of SMK Ambrose to use their broken court. I remember meeting my long lost childhood friend-cousin for the first time and seeing how grown up/ manly he'd become :P I remember sitting with AY in front of the pole during those Carlsberg cup tournies watching his team play; and the painfully embarassing "LLY jia you!!'s" AY would be screaming (and I'd be covering my face in mortification) I remember fawning over his team mate number 14 (dang i cant even remember properly now~) who turns up to be EUnc's friend! I remember all those photocopies of the tourney schedules (both mine and my cousins) that i'd stick in my diary...

I remember WLoong teaching me how to fake for the first time, and his signature move; the dribbling of the ball behind his back becoming a habit I picked up after some time. I remember playing with CKai and him being the only one who pointed out my weaknesses and him, Vic and (somebody else) playing 3 of us for real (ie- no letting go because we're girls) Dang we sure got a good wake up call. I remember during our first U-16 match coach made sure he played all 12 of us no matter how sucky we were; I remember being on the 2nd team but not feeling any animosity; I remember passing to AY and the basket that helped us lead the score. Coach was so proud afterwards; even though we were playing the eventual runner up's I remember his enthusiastic "you guys even overtook them for a while!". I remember befriending referee's and their comments on how we played that particular game (I think you played much better in the last game) I remember the issue with the 5 on 5 our school had and the whole Survivor-vote thingi; where i remember voting for myself =P. I remember my the first 5on5 match, the first ugly printed Sakura tshirt (which i now wear to sleep :P) the first time mum came for my match, where I scowled the whole way through wishing she wasn't there and the first loss. I remember playing the huge form 5-ers, the form 6 girl from AT who has the typical demure look and i couldnt believe she actually played for the district.

I remember becoming friends with so many people not in my clique; back classes, removes, gangsters, non schoolmates, bandmates whom i've never spoken to before, science teacher whom i've always fallen asleep in his class before, 3rd street ta jie who said "tell the biatch to bring it on, i'll call my friends to back you up", the victory screams, the cramping screams, the Quest for the leather basketball that took me more than 3 years but the feeling of finally holding a ball you saved up for in your own hands is just priceless.

But I also remember all the issues and conflicts that we had. I remember getting third, and not getting into the district team, how disappointed I was but happy for my 2 team mates at the same time. I remember how excited I was when Jmin told me after our first u-16 match that one of the officials came over and asked for our 3 names. I remember joining their training once, and i believe that's where all the humility began. I remember my 2 teammates who climbed higher and higher but further and further away from each other. I remember the unspoken unhappiness during our last 5on5 match that we had in form 4. I remember playing less and less as my studies became more important and I remember the day I said no to playing basketball for the first time...

I wonder if Coach felt disappointed when I didn't go for the reunion steamboat 2 years ago. I wonder if he still remembers me. I wonder if he's still coaching or if he still brings the players to his brother's big bowl noodle shop after every match. I wonder if he'd be proud to know that I'm no longer the person I used to be when he coached us, that I no longer run away and that I still like the kuey tiao teng his bro serves =)

May you live all the days of your life.
Jonathan Swift