Is struck once again by the consequences of coming back to a developing country.
Showing posts with label Frus Brush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frus Brush. Show all posts
Mum decided I was a little too free dawdling around the house so she decided that I'd be interested in doing a short attachment in HSM. Yes the italics and the first person pov usage says alot. hahaha
I got a good tongue-in-cheek answer tho;- " so that you'll have interesting things to talk about with me".
Right.
I used to think that those doctors I met during my first attachment, the very first ones, the one where JPA wanted us to have to put into our CV, the ones where you try to pretend like your doctors, hang around, do nothing, understand nothing and even take up patients beds on the pretense of being on-call.... I DIGRESS.
Yah, i used to think tht those doctors who asked me over and over and over and over again, if medicine was reallllllly what i wanted to do. Did I really know what i was getting myself into? I think I remember one of them even telling me that it wasn't worth it, it actually wasn't. hahaha. Wow, those were the days.
Only today, you're still taking up space and oxygen, but fortunately, at least you're giving back a little something in return. if only ~ really. Not that bad, a hand here, a cuff there, you make yourself useful... by staying out of their way. hehe. There are times where I wonder if it would be different overseas, I wonder if the doctors there face the same predicaments as the docs here. If they are overworked in overcrowded wards as well, or if they are ragged and irrationally berated by pmsy SHO's. (Tho i do know they get sued alot...lol)
Today I got tiao'ed in the hosp. The same someone also mentioned that I got affected emotionally by it. Yes meh?
I don't think so tho, cus if I did, i might have shouted back at her. Since technically I didn't have anything to lose; I wasn't her HO, i wasn't even a doc ffs, so i was in essence, nothing :)
Ah well, i hate doctors who pms in wards. meh. Dun wan shake hand mar dun wan shake hand lah.. ISH.
I suppose there are always the bright slides that you look for at the end of the day, things which are not essentially medicine (because I cannot prescribe or treat ppl, technically speaking, yet) but still such a vital part of it that you can't leave it out. I realize that I tend to so nicely ignore it because by omitting it, it makes me seem like I'm suffering so much for my life's cause. Things like having a 9 month old baby smiling and shaking hands with me, then having the grandmother say that he only does that to a very few handful of people, definitely not ppl he meets for the first time; Things like haggling with the MO to do suturing and realizing that it's not because he doesnt trust me but because he wants to do it himself... (he says as a student he never got to do it lol), Things like having 4 translators to get a question of 'do u have palpitations' across (like from english to chinese to hokkien, to half hokkien-thai to thai and back again) Things like having a nurse and the HO telling me that that person in mind memang damn pmsy one and that I dont have to worry too much.... things like that =)
not to mention, The special one is here~!!! It feels so surreal... :)
I like reaching out to grab a hand that is actually there.
I've found out that my mother doesn't agree with the quote ;)
Remind me again why am i doing medicine?
I got a good tongue-in-cheek answer tho;- " so that you'll have interesting things to talk about with me".
Right.
I used to think that those doctors I met during my first attachment, the very first ones, the one where JPA wanted us to have to put into our CV, the ones where you try to pretend like your doctors, hang around, do nothing, understand nothing and even take up patients beds on the pretense of being on-call.... I DIGRESS.
Yah, i used to think tht those doctors who asked me over and over and over and over again, if medicine was reallllllly what i wanted to do. Did I really know what i was getting myself into? I think I remember one of them even telling me that it wasn't worth it, it actually wasn't. hahaha. Wow, those were the days.
Only today, you're still taking up space and oxygen, but fortunately, at least you're giving back a little something in return. if only ~ really. Not that bad, a hand here, a cuff there, you make yourself useful... by staying out of their way. hehe. There are times where I wonder if it would be different overseas, I wonder if the doctors there face the same predicaments as the docs here. If they are overworked in overcrowded wards as well, or if they are ragged and irrationally berated by pmsy SHO's. (Tho i do know they get sued alot...lol)
Today I got tiao'ed in the hosp. The same someone also mentioned that I got affected emotionally by it. Yes meh?
I don't think so tho, cus if I did, i might have shouted back at her. Since technically I didn't have anything to lose; I wasn't her HO, i wasn't even a doc ffs, so i was in essence, nothing :)
Ah well, i hate doctors who pms in wards. meh. Dun wan shake hand mar dun wan shake hand lah.. ISH.
I suppose there are always the bright slides that you look for at the end of the day, things which are not essentially medicine (because I cannot prescribe or treat ppl, technically speaking, yet) but still such a vital part of it that you can't leave it out. I realize that I tend to so nicely ignore it because by omitting it, it makes me seem like I'm suffering so much for my life's cause. Things like having a 9 month old baby smiling and shaking hands with me, then having the grandmother say that he only does that to a very few handful of people, definitely not ppl he meets for the first time; Things like haggling with the MO to do suturing and realizing that it's not because he doesnt trust me but because he wants to do it himself... (he says as a student he never got to do it lol), Things like having 4 translators to get a question of 'do u have palpitations' across (like from english to chinese to hokkien, to half hokkien-thai to thai and back again) Things like having a nurse and the HO telling me that that person in mind memang damn pmsy one and that I dont have to worry too much.... things like that =)
not to mention, The special one is here~!!! It feels so surreal... :)
I like reaching out to grab a hand that is actually there.
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever~Mahatma Gandhi
I've found out that my mother doesn't agree with the quote ;)
It's unbelievable how much a language barrier can bring your day down. just like that.
It's unbelievable how frustrated I can get by a simple 'im tired, sorry'.
It's unbelievable how obvious race plays a part in getting a patient comfortable.
It's unbelievable how uninformed the patients in a third world country can get.
It's unbelievable how much of the education you gained 2.5 years in a western country is un-applicable here.
It's unbelievable how long it takes for a frickin MRI to be done. Long enough for the patient to have started treatment and be out on his feet well and alive in the west.
It's unbelievable how much it costs to have a patient be up and on his feet well and alive rather than waiting for his MRI.
It's unbelievable how hot it gets up here. It's unbelievable how we can claim patients are 'sitting comfortably' when it's a frickin oven in there.
It's unbelievable how a simple and happy smile from your patients can brighten up your day. Just like that.
It's unbelievable how frustrated I can get by a simple 'im tired, sorry'.
It's unbelievable how obvious race plays a part in getting a patient comfortable.
It's unbelievable how uninformed the patients in a third world country can get.
It's unbelievable how much of the education you gained 2.5 years in a western country is un-applicable here.
It's unbelievable how long it takes for a frickin MRI to be done. Long enough for the patient to have started treatment and be out on his feet well and alive in the west.
It's unbelievable how much it costs to have a patient be up and on his feet well and alive rather than waiting for his MRI.
It's unbelievable how hot it gets up here. It's unbelievable how we can claim patients are 'sitting comfortably' when it's a frickin oven in there.
It's unbelievable how a simple and happy smile from your patients can brighten up your day. Just like that.
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
This is one of the periods where time has never been so significant in my life before.
*Sure I might repeat this post when im sitting for my finals next year.. but that's beside the point*
*
The journey from KL to Ipoh takes about 3.5 hours by bus using the highway... and I don't know why but the image stuck in my mind is the green signboard found on the NS highway stating Ipoh 163km.
I'm driving and it's my first time on a roadtrip. I've been to Ipoh, or at least I've heard the wonderful stories about it, but I've not reached yet. In fact it's a hundred and sixty three km's away. which is no fun if you're driving alone, and worst still if there's a traffic jam due to a landslide or something. But I know I've got to reach, and i know that it'll be worthwhile to be there. *Seriously the meat pau's are to die for*
But here's the catch, how many of us, while on the way to Ipoh, swerves out and around the highway? Turn into Bukit Merah, get distracted by it's water park advertisements or whatnots? What if it starts raining heavily and you decide to pull over at some hotel nearby to claim shelter but then realized that that initially unknown area is actually not as bad as you think and you decide to stay there? In the worst case scenario, you make a U turn at Sungai Buloh and head back to KL. The outcome is the same : You don't reach your Ipoh.
I suppose it's only human nature, but as i've only recently found out what kinda personality i have and why (explains all the weird moodswings and oddities i've been feeling these past years definitely) i realize that the touchy-feely side of me could really use some backbone. Being the inexperienced first timer driver that I am, i seem to be insisting that any little sign of civilization i see along the way is Ipoh. Enthusiastic, i drive out of the highway only to realize that it isn't. That's really alright, if petrol wasn't so expensive, and my enthusiasm was infinite; which, it isn't. I really need to learn how to read signboards and not go off on tangents. Costly tangents.
Okay it's a really figurative illustration but we were all born with minds, so use it. =)
**
Apparently the 2009 IMYF camp took place a few days ago at Chefoo meth centre in CH. I noticed a few things after looking at all the pictures : Is a DSLR really so cheap or are stwnese's really getting richer by the years? Hahah Feels like the age at which one obtains a professional camera is inversely proportional to the model of the camera. but anyway i digress...
what i really noticed was how much the kiddies have grown. homg, like watttttttttttttttttttt? those kecik mayungs that barely reached my knees (okay that's too much an exaggeration) are now like... taller than me? no wayyyyyyyyyyy. (And Chelle, btw if ur reading this, ur bro's included too). WOW. i feel old. They'realmost grown up, tall and they own dslrs. how come my sweet 14,15,16's weren't anything like this?! I mean the only person i remember owning a digital cam at that age was Ash (who now also owns a dslr, like duh~)
maybe he was the only one who bothered bringing it . lol.
but at the same time I couldn't help but Question Him why? Why is it she couldn't be like them, be part of them, why was it her face was not in any of the pictures? Why could she not have a normal typical 15 year old IMYF camp? why did the neighbour say nothing about it when we're neighbours? is she that far into her own world now? To treat her differently, is not something we should do, but to treat her like any normal teenager, is not something we could do either. Time's passing by so fast so soon now that in a blink of an eye they'll be graduating high school. And then what? What about the years that should have been hers in the first place?
Yet I know about the years that are hers. That she still has. I am thankful for the fact that i am able to complain, rather than reminisce. But this is just so frustrating. I feel like every second we waste is imperative, like that could have been 1s more in her life that could have made a fricking difference. So much for the cliched medical answer huh. I wonder where are the people who wanted to make a difference in the world today. And I wonder what and who this frusts are directed against. ...
***
Moving on from all the emo and pent up frustration, i have more emoness and pent up frustrations! yay! haha...
no but the fact that i have about 10 days to exams - NO FUN.
*Sure I might repeat this post when im sitting for my finals next year.. but that's beside the point*
*
The journey from KL to Ipoh takes about 3.5 hours by bus using the highway... and I don't know why but the image stuck in my mind is the green signboard found on the NS highway stating Ipoh 163km.
I'm driving and it's my first time on a roadtrip. I've been to Ipoh, or at least I've heard the wonderful stories about it, but I've not reached yet. In fact it's a hundred and sixty three km's away. which is no fun if you're driving alone, and worst still if there's a traffic jam due to a landslide or something. But I know I've got to reach, and i know that it'll be worthwhile to be there. *Seriously the meat pau's are to die for*
But here's the catch, how many of us, while on the way to Ipoh, swerves out and around the highway? Turn into Bukit Merah, get distracted by it's water park advertisements or whatnots? What if it starts raining heavily and you decide to pull over at some hotel nearby to claim shelter but then realized that that initially unknown area is actually not as bad as you think and you decide to stay there? In the worst case scenario, you make a U turn at Sungai Buloh and head back to KL. The outcome is the same : You don't reach your Ipoh.
I suppose it's only human nature, but as i've only recently found out what kinda personality i have and why (explains all the weird moodswings and oddities i've been feeling these past years definitely) i realize that the touchy-feely side of me could really use some backbone. Being the inexperienced first timer driver that I am, i seem to be insisting that any little sign of civilization i see along the way is Ipoh. Enthusiastic, i drive out of the highway only to realize that it isn't. That's really alright, if petrol wasn't so expensive, and my enthusiasm was infinite; which, it isn't. I really need to learn how to read signboards and not go off on tangents. Costly tangents.
I trusted in, relied on, and was confident in You, O Lord; I said, You are my God.
My times are in Your hands; deliver me from the hands of my foes and those who pursue me and persecute me.
PSALM 31:14, 15 AMP
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.Habakkuk 2:3
Okay it's a really figurative illustration but we were all born with minds, so use it. =)
**
Apparently the 2009 IMYF camp took place a few days ago at Chefoo meth centre in CH. I noticed a few things after looking at all the pictures : Is a DSLR really so cheap or are stwnese's really getting richer by the years? Hahah Feels like the age at which one obtains a professional camera is inversely proportional to the model of the camera. but anyway i digress...
what i really noticed was how much the kiddies have grown. homg, like watttttttttttttttttttt? those kecik mayungs that barely reached my knees (okay that's too much an exaggeration) are now like... taller than me? no wayyyyyyyyyyy. (And Chelle, btw if ur reading this, ur bro's included too). WOW. i feel old. They're
but at the same time I couldn't help but Question Him why? Why is it she couldn't be like them, be part of them, why was it her face was not in any of the pictures? Why could she not have a normal typical 15 year old IMYF camp? why did the neighbour say nothing about it when we're neighbours? is she that far into her own world now? To treat her differently, is not something we should do, but to treat her like any normal teenager, is not something we could do either. Time's passing by so fast so soon now that in a blink of an eye they'll be graduating high school. And then what? What about the years that should have been hers in the first place?
Yet I know about the years that are hers. That she still has. I am thankful for the fact that i am able to complain, rather than reminisce. But this is just so frustrating. I feel like every second we waste is imperative, like that could have been 1s more in her life that could have made a fricking difference. So much for the cliched medical answer huh. I wonder where are the people who wanted to make a difference in the world today. And I wonder what and who this frusts are directed against. ...
***
Moving on from all the emo and pent up frustration, i have more emoness and pent up frustrations! yay! haha...
no but the fact that i have about 10 days to exams - NO FUN.
no fun= no happy = sad = emo = pent up frustration.
see, perfect maths.
Exactly why am i blogging, i dont know but i thi;- oh no wait, didn't i just say so? it's due to the pent-ed up frustrations, dammit! Another easy disclosure. Ah... Time, time, i need MORE TIME!!
Hahah alright. I have had had many, many, many things on my mind lately (think: yesterday) and it's not really encouraging when your exams are in 10 days huh. TEN! (Dx : In need of some TLC LOLz)
****
Today's last issue of time is that : God has His timings lah... Hard to understand, almost impossible to decipher but 100% dependable. *refer to time issue #1* ;)
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving <--- Brilliant song, but absolutely stupid. Sorry dude, move on! :P
Hahah alright. I have had had many, many, many things on my mind lately (think: yesterday) and it's not really encouraging when your exams are in 10 days huh. TEN! (Dx : In need of some TLC LOLz)
****
Today's last issue of time is that : God has His timings lah... Hard to understand, almost impossible to decipher but 100% dependable. *refer to time issue #1* ;)
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving <--- Brilliant song, but absolutely stupid. Sorry dude, move on! :P
Oh, and Happy Birthday E! =]
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a Destination; Not the Nearest Exit Sign,
Crush crush baby,
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Actually sometimes I wonder if I should even bother blogging;
Yeah I know I said i would, but the point is, i feel that there are alot of things that i cannot share.
Which is kinda ironic considering the main reason for this blog was to share. hmm ~.~
ANYWAY I watched 2012 yesterday (yah i dunno why but i seem to be turning into quite a movie freak) And being the nice and considerate person that I am, I wont spoil it for y'all who haven't watched it yet.
Let's just say that I walked out of the cinema with a lot of questions and even more questionable feelings. It's those type of movies that make you go "thanks for being in my life today, you. And thanks for being alive too".
Or maybe I've just been hooked on romance and comedies for too long. haha.
Ugh, so it made me think, if the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do ?
For a split second there it made me want to throw caution to the wind and live without inhibitions, in every sense of the word. But I cant. We can't. And we all know why ;)
Crap, so fan now. ish.
Distracting dilemma, get outta my head.
You keep bugging me, I cant concentrate.
So folks, before 2012 hits, or whenever the actual 2012 hits, make sure u've gotten all ur issues and regrets sorted out. ;)
ps- I went for Medball last Thurs.
Theme: masquerade.
Highlights: Food.
The end. :D
pps- KJ and VJ can cook! What's this with all the men being able to cook so well lah. Embarrassing!! Okay, time to go learn how to fix light bulbs and pipes. ;)
Yeah I know I said i would, but the point is, i feel that there are alot of things that i cannot share.
Which is kinda ironic considering the main reason for this blog was to share. hmm ~.~
ANYWAY I watched 2012 yesterday (yah i dunno why but i seem to be turning into quite a movie freak) And being the nice and considerate person that I am, I wont spoil it for y'all who haven't watched it yet.
Let's just say that I walked out of the cinema with a lot of questions and even more questionable feelings. It's those type of movies that make you go "thanks for being in my life today, you. And thanks for being alive too".
Or maybe I've just been hooked on romance and comedies for too long. haha.
Ugh, so it made me think, if the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do ?
For a split second there it made me want to throw caution to the wind and live without inhibitions, in every sense of the word. But I cant. We can't. And we all know why ;)
Crap, so fan now. ish.
Distracting dilemma, get outta my head.
You keep bugging me, I cant concentrate.
So folks, before 2012 hits, or whenever the actual 2012 hits, make sure u've gotten all ur issues and regrets sorted out. ;)
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
~Author Unknown
ps- I went for Medball last Thurs.
Theme: masquerade.
Highlights: Food.
The end. :D
pps- KJ and VJ can cook! What's this with all the men being able to cook so well lah. Embarrassing!! Okay, time to go learn how to fix light bulbs and pipes. ;)
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